Across the Atlantic, life is still just life.

I know what many of you reading this (outside of my parents) are thinking at this stage in my time abroad. What a shame that it's coming to an end. Living in Europe is so great. Janelle should try to stay longer. Why doesn't she try to renew her contract? If that's not an option for her, maybe she should try to stay for at least the summer. She could find a little job waitressing in a chic, super French brasserie and when she's not spending her days serving locals she could spend them soaking up the sun, nibbling on baguette and cheese, sipping a noisette while reading in a local café, making crêpes and quiches and enjoying good Bordeaux wine. Or if that doesn't suit her, maybe she could find a nice little au pair position and teach some cute French kiddies English.

No. Simply no. At this point in my séjour I find myself with very mixed feelings. I feel that I should want to stay. I should want to continue this adventure. The desire to keep working on my French skills and understanding and immersing myself in the culture should be so strong that leaving just couldn't be an option for me. Before coming, I really believed that I would renew my contract. It didn't take too long into my stay to realize that deep down, that isn't truly what I want.

It's easy to have a romanticized idea of an extended stay abroad, particularly in France. Yes, I have had a great six months. I've met great people and made some good friends. I've eaten amazing food. I've visited beautiful places. However, as incredible as parts of my stay have been, I think it's important to stress that life over here is just that--- life. Part of me feels that this blog has been presenting too rosy a view of life abroad. I guarantee that for every sweet moment I've enjoyed here, I have also had my share of trying ones.

Once you live somewhere else, you really become acquainted with the problems and imperfections in that city/country. I got a taste of difficulties and inconvieniences of living in France when I studied in Grenoble, but it wasn't until this time around that I was really aware of how difficult life over here can be. My life in France isn't just good eating and lazy Sundays. It's also having no car and having to ride my bike in the rain and the cold. It's not having central heating in my apartment. It's not having reliable Internet access. It's having to walk for 40 minutes because the bus drivers have gone on strike. It's having to cook on less than stellar and sometimes dangerous hot plates. It's having to grocery shop ahead of time or I won't be able to eat on Sunday. It's realizing I've bought too much at the grocery store and having to balance and/or carry much more than is safe while biking back home. It's having to wait for hours at the doctor's office because she only takes walk-ins and then once I've been seen, feeling like I haven't been well examined because there are too many people and not enough time in the day. It's having to visit offices for the CAF or the MGEN several times because I've been hearing twenty different things from ten different people. It's having to pay more than I ever thought possible for heating. It's not being able to buy shoes because any woman with feet larger than size 40 is an anomaly. It's having difficulty meeting people my own age and establishing roots in a community. It's figuring out how to make the most of a modest salary. It's having my bike, my baby, my main means of transportation taken from me and having to improvise (and luckily without too much trouble thanks to the kindness of friends) in the month I have left here in Pau.

The goal of this post is not to complain about life over here, that isn't it at all. My experience has been enjoyable not just because of the wonderful parts, but also because of the difficulties. It has made me stronger and more appreciative of certain aspects of my life back in the States. Life over here has been wonderful and I feel blessed to have had this opportunity, but honestly it's just life. It's having a good time hanging out with friends. It's having a rough day of classes. It's going on vacation and exploring a new place. After you live anywhere for an extended period of time you get used to day-to-day life. After living in France, you get used to walking down to the local boulangerie and buying a baguette. Visiting the outdoor markets are no longer a special novelty, but a fact of life. Hopping on the train and going to a new city is still fun and exciting, but not incredibly thrilling. If you get sick you realize that going to the doctor may not be that simple. If you submit an application for housing aid you'll probably hear a "yes, no, maybe so" as a response and are then left resubmitting pieces of information and waiting for months before you finally get word that everything is complete and has been approved.

As much as this has been a special experience, at this point in time, for me, is it worth extending? If I had truly integrated into this community and had a solid group of local friends who would be here next year, then I would probably look into it. As it is, I feel that to arrive at this point, you have to be a really particular person in a really particular community. If you're in a community with a certain demographic, no matter what your personality, you may not have the experience you were hoping for. I've seen that not just with my experience (to a certain point), but also from the experience of another friend in another area of France. On the other hand, if you're not as bold and not willing to put yourself out there, no matter how well-suited your community is for a young foreigner to really blend and become part of the mix, it's just not going to happen. To really have a perfect, straight out of a movie experience while living in Europe, it takes a lot of courage, the right setting and honestly, a good bit of luck.

I don't at all regret this experience. At this time of my life it was exactly what I needed and I would choose this again, ten times over. However at the same time I'm ready to go home. I'm ready to establish roots in a new city. I'm ready to find a more permanent job. I'm looking forward to seeing friends and family. I'm looking forward to recommencing life in the States from a new perspective with the knowledge that I've gained in my time here. I'm excited to continue travelling, exploring and learning, but in and/or from my home country. Is there anything wrong with that? I think not.